The Most Dangerous Thing.

Have you ever laid there and thought about what your three wishes would be? Have you imagined the possible outcomes of each idea? Imagined the consequences as you form the perfect three wishes.

Each wish would have to be leprechaun proof. You wouldn’t wish for all the money in the world because a leprechaun would physically dump all the money in the world on top of you. Rather, you would wish for a debit card with an unlimited balance.

Each wish would have to be scalable. Wishing for a magic search engine, for example, would allow you to find the answers to questions that have never been answered. Why ask for a search engine? Why not just ask to know everything?

One word: leprechauns. If you wished to know “everything” you would instantly die. Watch out for their tricks.

Have an Out. For example, if you wish to live forever, add that the wish can be canceled if you stand at the top of a volcano and yell out “CANCEL THIS WISHY WISH!” seven times. The Out should be difficult enough that you would really have be serious before it becomes active.

So that brings us to what I just saw.

I saw a vision of the terrifying reality of the “Spaz-Wish.” A Spaz-Wish is a non-wish outburst interpreted as a proper wish. It could be a joke, a test, or a question. Maybe even a movie quote.

Regardless of the reason, the Spaz-Wish is quite possibly one of the most terrifying unexplored topics I can think of.

You can find stories that tell of wishes gone bad or crafty leprechauns playing tricks on their mark. But you just don’t see stories about the Spaz-Wish. You never see someone blurt out something they don’t mean and live with the possible results.

Here are some example Spaz-Wishes I wrote down during my daily Spaz-Wish-Brainstorming session.

I wish nothing existed. I wish nobody had a heart. I wish peanuts were seven thousand times larger. I wish the ocean was filled with billions of dolphins. I wish everyone had a chicken egg as a foot. I wish we could see out of our nipples.

Imagine the outcome of each wish. And for some, there wouldn’t be time to say “Just kidding! That’s not a wish!”

The most dangerous way to ask for a Spaz-Wish is to end it with “no take backs.”

Once you’ve done that, you’ve doomed us all.


  1. craig

    when i was in kindergarten i used to get in trouble alot (i actually got spanked at school a couple times) and i’d have to stand with my nose in the corner pretty often. i remember wishing on several occasions that tiny versions of spider-man and his amazing friends would show up in my hands. well, they never did, but i would always imagine that they did and i’d play with them while all the other loser kids were learning about shapes and letters.

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