Category: Thoughts

Look for a sign…

Four months of the year, our money is taken and put into a huge pool which we collectively use to buy things we couldn’t afford on our own. Things like firetrucks and parks and wars and such. Here in the desert, we decided to manufacture hundreds of oasis-like parks and scattered them across the city.

Keep in mind… if you come to a park that looks like this:

You should look for a sign…

These parks are scenery for homeowners. They are vacant life size models of better places around the world. The homeowners have a private army looking for anything not perfectly trimmed and beautiful.

That includes vagrants like myself who play amplified music while feeding the ducks.

The Most Dangerous Thing.

Have you ever laid there and thought about what your three wishes would be? Have you imagined the possible outcomes of each idea? Imagined the consequences as you form the perfect three wishes.

Each wish would have to be leprechaun proof. You wouldn’t wish for all the money in the world because a leprechaun would physically dump all the money in the world on top of you. Rather, you would wish for a debit card with an unlimited balance.

Each wish would have to be scalable. Wishing for a magic search engine, for example, would allow you to find the answers to questions that have never been answered. Why ask for a search engine? Why not just ask to know everything?

One word: leprechauns. If you wished to know “everything” you would instantly die. Watch out for their tricks.

Have an Out. For example, if you wish to live forever, add that the wish can be canceled if you stand at the top of a volcano and yell out “CANCEL THIS WISHY WISH!” seven times. The Out should be difficult enough that you would really have be serious before it becomes active.

So that brings us to what I just saw.

I saw a vision of the terrifying reality of the “Spaz-Wish.” A Spaz-Wish is a non-wish outburst interpreted as a proper wish. It could be a joke, a test, or a question. Maybe even a movie quote.

Regardless of the reason, the Spaz-Wish is quite possibly one of the most terrifying unexplored topics I can think of.

You can find stories that tell of wishes gone bad or crafty leprechauns playing tricks on their mark. But you just don’t see stories about the Spaz-Wish. You never see someone blurt out something they don’t mean and live with the possible results.

Here are some example Spaz-Wishes I wrote down during my daily Spaz-Wish-Brainstorming session.

I wish nothing existed. I wish nobody had a heart. I wish peanuts were seven thousand times larger. I wish the ocean was filled with billions of dolphins. I wish everyone had a chicken egg as a foot. I wish we could see out of our nipples.

Imagine the outcome of each wish. And for some, there wouldn’t be time to say “Just kidding! That’s not a wish!”

The most dangerous way to ask for a Spaz-Wish is to end it with “no take backs.”

Once you’ve done that, you’ve doomed us all.

Today’s Thoughts

First off, I really like the show “Cavemen” – a lot. It’s like it’s the best show I’ve ever seen – but I know that just isn’t possible.

In fact I’ve never even met anyone who likes it.
Nobody likes it. Well, I do.

Jamie asks, “would it still be funny if they aren’t cavemen?” and the answer is probably not.

Next, I must say that I hate in movies when everything is going great then suddenly the happy people get hit with a car from out of nowhere. In “Adaptation” when they’re backing up he says to his wife, “We’re finally out of debt and everything is going great.” then they get hit by a car and their life just gets destroyed. She uses the accident as an excuse to leave him.

Or that Brad Pitt movie where he is walking across the street after that girl then he gets hit by a huge truck or bus – or those volkswagen commercials.

It makes me associate peaceful times and happy times with an inevitable truck smashing into the scene out of nowhere.

Sometimes when I daydream they are great and then they end with a huge truck smashing into the windshield.

Freakin’ ruined my daydreams even…

That’s all the thoughts for now.

Reporting It Does

It just doesn’t makes sense. This sign here:

On the other side it reads “Crime doesn’t pay” – but you don’t see that until you leave. So when you walk in you see this weird yoda-ish “Reporting It Does” saying that makes no sense.

I tried to talk to the guy behind the counter about it but he didn’t want to talk to me.


Have you ever written a letter to Santa? When you were young and you truly believed.
Perhaps, if you are like me or my friend Mark, there was always a twinge of doubt; tiny but apparent.

That feeling – that belief – that place your mind took you when you didn’t know enough not to believe – that is your beliefus-maximus.

If you actually wrote a letter to Santa, that physical action shows your ability to believe is greater than others.

If you said “Screw that.” like Mark or I probably did, your beliefus-maximus is lower than the rest.

Maybe, no matter what you believe in, you are destined to only be able to believe it up to a certain point.

I think that is why there were armed guards blocking the door when Jim Jones asked his followers to drink the poisonous kool-aid. He knew some of them would run for the door.
I wish you could buy a beliefus-maximus upgrade at Fry’s Electronics.

I looked, but the guy said they “didn’t have one.”

Of course, I said “No, I mean do you have any other ones” – I say as I’m holding one in front of his face.

I swear those guys at Fry’s Electronics have no freaking idea how to help a person find something. If they say they don’t have it – look – it’s probably there.


I’m glad we orbit a star.
Imagine this planet flying through space in no particular direction. Eventually we would slowly fly towards a star. Our world would slowly get brighter and brighter as the years pass until we leave it behind and seek out another one.

Some generations would never know its warmth. Some generations would never know the night sky.

Our star is so brilliant. From where we sit we can reach up and feel it. If we were on to the next closest planet, the sun’s brilliance would consume us and turn our bodies to ash.

Each little white dot at night hints at this power.

I think certain people are like that.
Their smile and a little glimmer in their eyes hints at an infinite brilliance inside.

You feel their warmth as you near them.
These stars.

Haha. “Stars.” – duh! Sorry folks for waisting your time.


Sometimes life seems like a story. It doesn’t seem like it is “happening” rather it seems more like a story is unfolding.

Sometimes it doesn’t.

But remembering all the storybook moments helps me feel like I’m in the middle of an interesting unfinished story.

Sometimes when magic moments fall out of the sky it seems I am about to walk into a pre-determined situation designed to change me.

Like a dream.